We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
