i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
