dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
