How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
