I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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