Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
