This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
