I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
