Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
