Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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