I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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