I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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