Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
