I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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