Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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