dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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