did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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