bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
