12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
BRING THE BAGELS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
