I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
