I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
