Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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