and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Rumble strips road head = magical
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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