in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
