The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
