She's JV to your varsity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
