Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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