operation harelip BJ is a go
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
