we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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