she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
