What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
