I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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