Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
