is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
