this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
