Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
