3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
