he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize