yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
