no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
