At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
