I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
