He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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