i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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