dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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