You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
