nut hugger
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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