who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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