I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
