Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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