I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I party with great urgency now.
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