All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
