I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
