dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
