My first STD was from a foam party
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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