I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
