But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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