if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
