she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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