someone threw a dead crab at me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
