i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
