A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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