All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
