DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
