Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
