I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
pop tarts are not kleenex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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