Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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