I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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