Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
