their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
