I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
