So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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