Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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