maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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