you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
