I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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