he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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