Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
