soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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