Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
