There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize