just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
