Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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