why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
