I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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