seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
even my farts smell like vagina
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
