I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize