wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The air taste purple.
Randomize
