I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
