McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
