I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
