this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
