It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
