How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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