Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize