I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
