i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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