I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
