the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
