he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
