Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
