I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
