You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
