god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
