I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
